Your relationship is going to change after you have children. There’s no doubt about that. As much as you loved each other and were an amazing couple when you were first together, things are bound to change after kids. You know that you can expect sleepless nights and non-stop nappy changes. But there are some other things you need to know about before you take this next step. Here are just some of them.
There’s no such thing as time off
Like it or not, there’s no way you can take time off when you have a baby. While they’re sleeping, you’ll wonder if they’re still breathing. While they’re with your mom or sister, you’ll wonder if he or she is being treated as you would treat them. You can’t stop thinking and worrying about your baby. How could you possibly have time to worry about anyone else, even your husband?
You might hate your husband
You hate him because he made you pregnant. You hate him because he wanted the baby. You hate him because you’re at home with the baby while he’s at work. There are many reasons why you might hate your spouse and that’s to be expected. You’re a bundle of hormones right now. Of course, your feelings are irrational and not at all true. But they are your feelings and you have every right to feel them.
You won’t nurture your relationship the way you should
It’s been found that couples stop caring for each other the way they once did. Doing favours, cooking meals, picking up socks. These are the things that make your husband grateful for you. And that’s how he knows you care. According to an article in Psychology Today, parents spend less time showing their partner that they care after having a baby.
“New parents describe fewer examples of caring after having a baby compared to before … In the parents’ natural preoccupation with caring for baby, they seem less able to care for each other.”
Sex is the last thing on your mind
That same article said that it was normal for couples to experience a change in their sex lives.
“Both husbands and wives also report a negative change in their sexual relationship after having a baby. The frequency of lovemaking declines for almost all couples in the early months of parenthood.There are both physical and psychological deterrents to pleasurable sex for new parents.”
The division of workload in the relationship, with women tending to do the majority of the work, was often the reason for unhappiness among the couples who were studied.
“The new ideology of egalitarian relationships between men and women has made some inroads on the work front. Most couples, however, are not prepared for the strain of creating more egalitarian relationships at home, and it is this strain that leads men and women to feel more negatively about their partners and the state of their marriage.”
It’s important that, when you feel up for it, you start to rectify this. Talk to your husband, explain how you feel and tell him that you’d like your sex life to be the same as it once was. Or maybe you’d like for it to be even spicier than it was before. Maybe this is the time for you to begin experimenting with sex toys. It’s playtime for the two of you now.
You love your baby more than your husband
It’s true that at the beginning, when your baby is very young that you will love him or her more than you love your husband. But it’s important you realise this is temporary. As your baby ages into a toddler, child and teen, he or she will rightly pull away from you and become independent. It’s important that you do the same. You can’t continue to treat your child as the great love of your life as they move on. Your spouse should always come first. Your husband should always be the love of your life.